Discovery

I discovered something. I'm not sure whether it was at the beginning when I thought I knew who I was or nearer to the end when I'd lost sight of everything I'd thought I was and had yet to find it again. You see self-discovery is not an easy thing. It involves looking at things that you'd rather not look at. All of your inadequacies. It's easy to be honest about them. It's easy to say I'm ugly, I'm stupid, people hate me but it's not easy to accept it. You think it to yourself and yet when you actually look into the mirror you're still shocked at what is there. Being honest about your inadequacies is easy because you know what they are and they are a daily challenge to you. Accepting them is another thing. That's the thing about inadequacies. They're the bad side of you. The side you don't want. So even if you can see them, you wish they weren't there. Really, you want to push them away and ignore them. You can't though. Some things can be changed. You can put on makeup to cover blemishes and you can study really hard to hide the fact that you really understand nothing in the class but that doesn't fix them and as long as people tell you that you look nice and that you're smart you can continue to ignore them. But then the day comes when they see past your mask. Hiding some, any large part of you for any significant amount of time is impossible and the longer you hide it the worse it is when it comes out. Thought it's not easy at all, I think that all people should just accept who they are. You're ugly. You're stupid. I know. I know and I'm okay with that because there are other, better things about me. Things that maybe you can't see but I can. When you accept them other people will be more willing to as well. That's not to say that they will all be really happy with you. That's never going to be true. There will always be one sad, bitter person out there who is unwilling to do anything to help you. They'll enjoy watching you cry. And you can be ugly and you can be stupid but at least you're not mean and coldhearted like that person. At least you won't die alone like that person. People will enjoy talking to you because they like you but no one could like that person so really that person doesn't count at all. What counts is you seeing yourself for who you really are and accepting it. Not just accepting it but loving it. 

It won't be easy. It'll be a journey but when you get there, you'll be happy.